#2 How to Build a Healthy Self-Esteem
Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough” or “Nobody really cares about me”?
These quiet, persistent thoughts can chip away at your confidence and keep you feeling small. But here’s the truth: self-esteem isn’t fixed. It can be strengthened — gently and consistently — no matter where you’re starting from.
Start by Noticing Your Inner Dialogue
Self-esteem begins with awareness. Many of us carry old, unhelpful beliefs like “I’m too stupid to go for that job” or “I always mess things up.” These thoughts often took root years ago, sometimes in childhood, and they’ve quietly shaped how we see ourselves.
So let’s bring them into the light.
Try writing these thoughts down in a notebook or diary. Be curious, not judgmental. Ask yourself: When did I first start thinking this way? Often, you’ll realise these ideas aren’t even yours — they were learned or handed down.
Gently Challenge the Beliefs
Next, look for evidence that tells a different story. For example:
• “I’m bad at everything” → But I’m actually really good at cryptic crosswords.
• “Nobody cares about me” → My sister calls me every week just to check in.
Now start a list of positive things about yourself. Think about your qualities — maybe you’re thoughtful, funny, dependable, or a great cook. Include kind words others have said to you. Aim for at least five positive things, and add to the list often. Put it somewhere visible — a mirror, your journal, your phone. Let it remind you daily that you are enough.
Other Simple Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem
1. Recognise what you’re good at
Everyone has strengths — maybe you’re a great listener, a loyal friend, a creative soul, or a natural problem-solver. Spend time doing the things you enjoy and feel good at. It lifts your mood and reminds you of your value.
2. Build positive relationships
Notice who brings you down and who lifts you up. Where possible, limit time with those who drain your energy. Instead, surround yourself with people who appreciate you, support your growth, and see your worth — even on days you struggle to. Remember …you become the average of those you hang about with!
3. Be kind to yourself
That inner critic can be harsh. But you deserve compassion — especially from yourself. When you’re struggling, ask: What would I say to a friend in this situation? Then say that to yourself. Speak gently. You’re doing your best.
4. Learn to be assertive
Being assertive means expressing your needs with respect — both for yourself and others. It’s not about being forceful, but about honouring your boundaries. Watch how confident people navigate conversations and start practising small changes.
5. Start saying “no”
If you often say yes to please others — even when you’re tired or overwhelmed — it’s OK to stop. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest. Protecting your time and energy is a vital part of building self-worth.
6. Give yourself a challenge
Trying something new can feel scary, but it’s also how we grow. Set a small goal — attend a class, start a creative project, or connect with someone new. Each step forward builds confidence and proves that you’re capable.
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Final Thoughts
You might have low confidence now because of things that happened years ago — but you’re not stuck. You can learn to see yourself differently. Step by step, word by word, you can rebuild a healthier relationship with yourself.
And remember, you’re not alone. If you’d like support on your journey, I’m here to help.