IS SELF-CARE SELFISH ?
There’s a theme that keeps resurfacing in my conversations with clients, and even in my own life:
When the world feels chaotic, where does peace actually begin?
A while ago, I wrote in my newsletter that peace always starts within ourselves. But that idea opened up an important question:
“Is it selfish to care for my own wellbeing when there’s so much harm around me?”
Many people carry guilt when they pause to look after themselves, especially when others are struggling. It can feel as though tending to your own needs goes against the grain—almost like you’re abandoning someone by taking a breath.
But the truth is far kinder.
Strengthening Our Capacity to Serve
Recently, I faced a couple of health issues that made me realise I had been ignoring my own needs. I wasn’t listening to the cues my body was quietly sending me… until those whispers became shouts.
You’ve likely heard the familiar instruction from air stewards:
“Put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others.”
It’s a cliché for a reason.
When we are stressed, depleted, overwhelmed, or running on empty, our ability to support others naturally shrinks. We can’t be present in the loving, grounded way we want to be.
In my past, I would have been the person who tried to do everything myself—pushing through, giving more, offering more, even when I had nothing left in the tank. Maybe you recognise that pattern too.
But here is the shift that changed everything for me:
Self-care does not mean I’m ignoring other people’s problems.
Self-care strengthens my capacity to serve.
When we nourish ourselves—emotionally, physically, mentally—we show up with more clarity, compassion, and resilience. And because emotions are contagious, our calm becomes a gentle ripple that affects everyone around us.
A Little Exercise to Try
Say the sentence in your mind:
“I feel guilty caring for myself.”
Then give it an intensity rating from 0–10.
You might be surprised by how high that number is.
Guilt is a powerful motivator—but it doesn’t always tell the truth.
So ask yourself:
Is it time to ask for help?
Is it time to start caring for yourself with the same kindness you offer everyone else?
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You Think You Can’t Stop… but What If You MUST?
Often people say, “I can’t slow down—people depend on me.”
But consider the opposite:
You MUST slow down… because people depend on you.
Your wellbeing is not a luxury—it’s the foundation that allows you to care for others with presence rather than exhaustion, with compassion rather than resentment, with clarity rather than burnout.
The better your emotional wellbeing, the better you can support those around you.
And that’s why self-care is not selfishness.
It’s responsibility.
It’s wisdom.
It’s love…expressed inward first, so it can flow outward.